Trauma bonding and toxic relationships

I’ve read several blog posts around the subjects of aging and the changing dynamic of friendships. I’m lucky in the sense that my friends have been my friends since nursery school, when we re-group, after a day, or a month – it’s no different to the last time we saw each other, its happy, funny, we enjoy the company and pick up where we left off.

We celebrate together, we are honest together and we turn to each other for advice. We support and guide each other – but from a distance, slowly guiding each other.

My 30’s are showing me that I am lucky to have these people in my life, and as I look around at some of my other friends, I realise it is at a price to my own happyness.

Some friendships are draining to me, I am putting in more than I am being met with, and sacrificing my happiness to fit in to other peoples double standard idea’s of friendship.

If something doesn’t make you happy, and you are not the best version of yourself, it needs to go. Unfortunately this happens in families too. A few months back I decided to stop being the “reacher” I waited to see who made the effort with me – and my true friendships didn’t change, I still heard from people, the dynamic didn’t change, but others, It went silent, they assumed something was wrong, instead of thinking “Actually, I haven’t initiated contact either” I also noticed that when I did speak to people, I became more aware of the structure of my interactions, its suprising how many people you can see and ask if they are ok, and they respond, maybe talk about themselves – and then boom. That’s it.

No “Hi how are you” “what have you been up to”

Plain rude. And some people are just that way – and that’s OK. Because I am not over reaching and straining myself anymore, if I am met halfway – I know who my true companions are, and that is fine by me.


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